Dear precious parents who have lost a child or children in the womb or outside the womb may you be seen today and every day. May our society be tender to you who have lost a child or children and not say deeply insensitive and thoughtless statements. When couples have lost a child or children due to a prenatal diagnosis or diagnoses or for any other reason, whether an early pregnancy loss or not, we must as a society grieve with them. A precious couple’s child died. The statistics of 1 in 4 couples experiencing miscarriage should not be something our society dismisses as a statistic, but as a heartbreaking reality that 1 in 4 parents have lost their child. For the couples who have lost children outside of the womb, may God hold you. May our society be tender to you.
How should our society respond?
I would encourage anyone who feels like you do not know what to say to your friend or family member who has lost a child to know that you do not need to have the perfect words but simply acknowledging the passing of the child and the anniversary of the passing of the child is deeply impactful for the couple. By sitting with someone in their grief is to “say” the right thing because you acknowledge the reality of the child or children who died, and you are acknowledging to the parents you see them and acknowledge the reality of the death of the child. I know everyone processes the death of their child differently and maybe for some not discussing it is helpful because the pain is agonizing. For others, speaking with friends and family brings comfort.
May our society end the senseless statements such as the “at least it was early on” or the “you can try again” statements. What kind of statements are these? It is deeply insensitive and dismissive of the fact that the couple’s child died. Our society would never say such a statement about the child who died at 5 weeks old outside of the womb so why say it about the baby who died at 5 weeks in the womb or younger. Our society would never say to a couple who lost their baby at 5 weeks outside of the womb, “at least it was early on,” or “you can try again.” The child who died is not replaced by another conceived child. The child who dies in the womb early on should be grieved by our society. Just because we cannot see the child or just because the child was young does not mean we, as a society, should not grieve their passing.
May we grieve with parents over the death of their child and/or children in utero and outside the womb.
His Love & Care 